3draft Review – Essay Example

Nabil Kafal Unit No 1st Draft Surface conventions Par line 2: The ‘are’ in “Each of the engineers are in different…” is wrongly placed. Due to inclusion of ‘each’ in the sentence, the verb ‘is’ should be used instead.
Par 2, line 2 and 3: The sentences are redundant. Instead of the comma in between, sentence 2 and 3 should be connected using a comma as suggested by Strunk and White. It should read as follows; “When engineer A was asked about what writing is a requirement of his job function, he stated that the following types of writing…”
Par 2, line 9: The sentence is faulty due to lack of a comma between “important” and the conjunction “but” “He knew writing would be important, but not...”
Par 3, line 7: The statement “Engineer B struggled early on with writing...” is ambiguous due to the use of “early on” instead of “earlier on” or the term ‘previously’ should have been used to avert vagueness.
Par 3, line 6: “He says the sheer volume of emails he receivs can really bog an engineer down if your not organized”. The sentence sounds creepy due to orthographical errors. The word ‘receives’ is misspelt while the determiner ‘your’ has been used in place of ‘you are’. This makes it ominously difficult to comprehend the sentence.
Content issues
The introduction merely mentions interviewing of 3 Engineers. It is poorly constructed; it lacks a thesis which would otherwise have briefed the reader on the content. The introduction should have been bolstered by mentioning the importance of technical writing in the field. The jumbled up sentences throughout the essay indicate that the writer failed to plan effectively and revise the work. What’s more, the essay fails to reiterate the importance of technical writing in the field, but simply hints on it. Additionally, the sentence “He feels there is a strong connection between promotions and writing effectively”, which is the concluding sentence of paragraph 2, is simply recurring in paragraphs 3 and 4, and overtly rearticulated in the essay. This makes the essay look shallow and lacking supportive details.